F . A . Q . (Frequently Asked Questions)
Q: Where did the arch-top mirror frames come from?
A: A little-known, second Sistine Chapel ("Sistine II, The Final Frescoes"), was constructed in the Lesser Antilles sometime during the last century. Due to one of those pesky, metric-to-English measurement errors, the chapel turned out to be exactly three picture frames too large to fit on its intended Antille. The mistake triggered a nasty payment dispute, and Art wound up repossessing the frames. The Lesser Antilles' loss is our gain.
Q: Is the art on the walls for sale?
A: You betcha … as long as the Art in question isn't ambulatory.
Q: What's with the sky thing in the ceiling?
A: During renovation, a very nice, hard-working guy named Matt was checking the ceiling's perpendicularity with his horizontal plumb-bob, when a black hole suddenly opened just above his head. The next thing we knew, Matt had had been sucked into what turned out to be a worm hole in the time-space continuum. Good thing Art's hobby is theoretical astrophysics, or we'd never have figured this out. The sky panel, which sports the twelve signs of the zodiac, is there to prevent a recurrence. Just recently we got a card from Matt, which he appears to have just mailed to us from the early 1990's. He assured us he had a great time working at "Here's To The Arts," and wanted to know if we remembered which of those dot-com IPO's really took off.
Q: What about that black hole in the back wall?
A: It's benign. If you can call the place where a DJ works "benign." Recently, a rumor has started that it's infested with gnomes. The health department assures us that it's not a problem.
Q: Wouldn't that be a great place for a follow spot?
A: No. We tried using a follow spot once during a tech rehearsal, but the glare from Art's head blinded several bystanders and burned all the paint off the east wall. We decided that the theatrical effect, as excitingl as it was, was not worth the liability.
Q: Can we book Here's To The Arts for parties, reunions, anniversaries, and that sort of thing?
A: Please do! Just ask Art. We've hosted parties for groups up to 50, a sweet sixteen party, and a little girls' tea party. We'll be happy to help you plan your event.
Q: That mirror ball is so 70s.
A: That's a statement, not a question. Besides, it's not 70s … it's 20s.
Q: Why is the bandstand in the front?
A: It has to be someplace. On nights when the entertainment is bad, we'll freely sympathize with customers who wish we had put it in another building entirely.
Q: Can we Bring Our Own Booze?
A: Answering this question on our web page could be construed as advertising, and we're not allowed to do that.
Q: How can we take the Here's To The Arts experience home with us?
A: Well, we sell the art on the wall (see question #2), and recordings of some of the music played live at Here's To The Arts. If you think of something else you'd like, please tell Art at once!
Q: Where'd you get that great-looking bar?
A: The bar was made of rare Siberian mahogany for one of the roughest and most opulent bars in pre-war Shanghai's notorious Pedicure District. During the Revolution, the bar was dismantled, disguised as a shipment of plutonium, and smuggled via musk ox down the Malay Peninsula. An uncommonly picturesque tramp steamer transported it to Bratislava, where for years it served as a judicial bench. In the chaos following the Soviet breakup, the bar was lost, not resurfacing until 2003 where, upside down, it served as a barre in a ballet school in Ringworm, New Jersey. Not appreciating the pun, Art grabbed it for Here's To The Arts, where it now resides. Don't let the toe-nail scratches worry you, it's clean.
Q: Was that supposed to be funny?
A: De gustibus non est disputandum